Keeping it Real with Rich Paul

 

Rumi to the Rescue

To be fully human is to feel the full range of human emotions. Perhaps we are free to pursue happiness, but in no way is happiness guaranteed. We may know the highest heights if we have felt the lowest lows. What then, is the proper response to emotional challenges? Rumi to the Rescue!  

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

Poem by the Sufi mystic, Rumi, from a translation by Coleman Barks. Portrait of Rumi from the public domain (i.e., Wikipedia). I snagged the beautiful blue mosaic off of the cover of a book called Rumi: Bridge to the Soul: Journeys into the Music and Silence of the Heart. See also, Rumi: The Book of Love.

A Slow, Slurring Sonnet

I get so sad and melancholy when I hear a Leonard Cohen song. Cohen's art is so full of longing and regret that it often evokes a melancholy mood on its own--but that is not the sole reason for my reaction.

Cohen writes songs like the one featured here, Love Itself, and when performing invokes the words as if he were having an intimate conversation with an old friend. I often feel like an eavesdropper when listening to a Cohen song. And it makes me feel sad because Cohen has somehow figured out how to express deep human emotions in an effortless, off-hand manner.

But the casual conversation so effortlessly tossed out for any ear is often just exactly what my soul is struggling so hard to say. My own emotions are so difficult for me to express. How is it that Cohen can so easily expose the human heart? How is that possible? How is it fair? I try so hard and nothing happens. Cohen talks with anybody or nobody over a cup of coffee and the wisdom of the ages is revealed in a slow, slurring sonnet.

Not fair.

Sternberg's Triangle Theory of Love

Interesting how things come to one's attention. I had not heard of the triangular theory of love nor of its chief proponent, psychologist Robert Sternberg. Or, if I had ever heard of this model, the knowledge had slipped over the rim of my over-flowing mind. 

But as recent posts here at PhilosFX will attest, I am interested in the topics of self-awareness, character development, and receptivity. I think of receptivity in the sense of openness to relationships, love, and companionship. 

All that is well and good, yet the "thing" that caught my eye, captivated my attention, and motivated this post was the below diagram which is circulating on social media.  

And by now you may have recognized the "hook." Sternberg's Triangle Theory of Love is about the three components of love: intimacy,passion, and decision or commitment. Meanwhile, a "Love Triangle" has a very different meaning!

For this reason, I commend the second figure. Figure 2 is not perfect, either, but at least it is more faithful to Sternberg's concept. I do appreciate a good Venn diagram, and I also like the addition of the Mind, Body, and Spirit components in Figure 1.

Perhaps I will take it upon myself to create Figure 3, the error-free depiction of Sternberg's Triangle Theory of Love.

In the meantime, stay (intellectually) thirsty, my friends!

On This Most Auspicious Date and Time, 1.6 18:03...

Today, January 6th, 2015, is a momentous day for me. And, I am willing to bet that by the time you read today's post, you will also have a few reasons to respect and revere January 6th.

Faith, Art, and Love

Confidence in things unseen

Today is important because of Faith. Today is Epiphany, the day Christians believe the 3 Magi found the Christ-child Jesus, after responding to an Angel's instructions and following a bright star which led them to the manger in Bethlehem. The Magi worshiped the infant as their King, and presented Him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. To this day, approximately 2015 years later, Christians still celebrate this day, the Twelfth day of the Christmas Season, with gifts and special food and drink with loved ones.

Firmness, commodity, and delight

Today is also important because of Art. January 6th at 6:03 pm can be written as 1/6 18:03, and this series of numbers (more specifically 1.61803)  has been a very significant number in art and architecture since the time of ancient Greece. As a student of Architecture, I learned about the "ideal proportion" of 1.61803 to 1. This proportion has been called the Golden Ratio, the Golden Section, and the Golden Mean.

The Golden Ratio is often symbolized using the 21st letter of the Greek alphabet, phi, a circle with a vertical slash. The letter is similar to theta, a circle with an horizontal slash. Our words for Philosophy (philo-sophy or love of wisdom) and Theology (theo-logy or the study of God) come from Greek. People often use the Greek letters phi and theta to represent the subjects of Philosophy and Theology. If you look closely, you will probably find a letter phi on this page. It's part of my blog's name!

Love conquers all

Finally, today is important because of Love. January 6th, 2015 marks the one month anniversary of my brother's death. I miss him very much--so much so, that my emotions are still very close to the surface. My grief and sense of loss has been compounded by the holiday season and the expectation of Joy, Hope, Peace, and Love that crash hard against the stark reality of loves lost.

The great Christian apologist, C.S. Lewis remarked in the journal he wrote as he cared for his dying wife, A Grief Observed, that love is a form of torture for humans. He finally found the love of his life, only to have her taken away by a fatal disease. The depth of his profound grief was a testament to the heights of his magical love. He got a glimmer of ideal love, only to have it snatched away. December 2014 was rough like that for me, too.

Of course, our human attempts at the perfect love often fall short of ideal, even short of the proxy described by C.S. Lewis. We are casual when we should be closer, and we cling when we should give slack. Jealousy and disappointment occur when our egos get involved. Ideally, love transcends these human limitations. And by "ideally," I mean both the ideal we can imagine in our dreams, and the ideal that actually exists beyond human comprehension.

I do not see perfect love as a mutually exclusive, one-or-the-other, all-or-nothing deal. I am not threatened or diminished if the people who love me also love others--even if they love the others more than they love me. Similarly, I do not expect to find only one target for all of my expressions of love. When we are in a state of perfect love (i.e., when I see Todd again, as I promised him I would every time we said goodbye) I do not imagine there will be any quibbling or petty jealousy. Now that Todd is gone from this earth I will not see him again until I meet him in perfect love.

Lean into the mystery

Until then, the task of the living is to lean into each moment with openness to the possibilities and awareness of the eternal and universal power of Faith, Art, and Love. Dear reader, may you find that blend of Philosophy and Special Effects that transforms the ordinary into the extraordinary--and having found it, may you hold it, if only briefly, and having held it may you treasure it.

And so may we all.

January 6th, at 1803 (6:03 pm) is a most auspicious moment. Thank you for sharing it with me and helping me keep it sacred.



If you enjoyed this, please have a look at these related posts:

• My annual ode to phi published earlier today: Putting the Phi in PhilosFX 
• Here is my post from 1/6 last year: Cancer and the True Meaning of Life
• And here is the post from 1/6/2011: Phi Day 1.61803

Comments are always welcome. 

Agape

A photo from archives: Me and my little brother

When I am with my brother now, I feel a new and different channel open between us. As brothers, we have experienced a wide range of communication channels over the years. We have been buddies, rivals, and siblings, and we have expressed love, joy, and anger. The common bond of shared parents and shared--even intertwined--life experiences has kept us close all these years. Now it is a different bond that unites us. Today, we share a bond of spiritual love, the type of love that transcends our mortality.

The Greek word agape is often translated "love" in the New Testament. But there are many different types of love--different modes of expressing affection. How is "agape love" different from other types of love? 

Ancient authors have used forms of the word agape to denote love of a spouse or family, or affection for a particular activity. Agape is in contrast to philia, an affection that could denote friendship, brotherhood or generally non-sexual affection, and eros, an affection of a sexual nature. Neither does agape mean “charity,” a term which the King James translators carried over from the Latin. Agape love is unique and is distinguished by its nature and character.

"Agape became appropriated in Christian theology as the love of God or Christ for humankind. In the New Testament, it refers to the covenant love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God; the term necessarily extends to the love of one's fellow man." [1]

"Agape is love which is of and from God, whose very nature is love itself. The apostle John affirms this in 1 John 4:8: “God is love.” God does not merely love; He is love itself. Everything God does flows from His love. God loves because that is His nature and the expression of His being. He loves the unlovable and the unlovely (us!), not because we deserve to be loved, but because it is His nature to love us, and He must be true to His nature and character. 

"If we are to love as God loves, that love—that agape—can only come from its true Source. This is the love which “has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us” when we became His children (Romans 5:5). Because that love is now in our hearts, we can obey Jesus who said, “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. As I have loved you, you should also love one another” (John 13:34). This new commandment involves loving one another as He loved us sacrificially, even to the point of death. 

"[I]t is clear that only God can generate within us the kind of self-sacrificing love which is the proof that we are His children. “By this we have known the love of God, because He laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers” (1 John 3:16). Because of God’s love toward us, we are now able to love one another." [2]

Read more:

[1] Wikipedia entry for Agape
[2] Got Questions.org / Agape-love

The Grip

Todd's first words to me: "They keep moving me, and you keep finding me. That is awesome."

What do I know about love? (NaPoMo 27/30)

What Do I Know About Love?

What do I know about love?

     And how do I know what I think I know?

===

I learned from my parents

     that there is no love like a mother's love

I learned from my hormone-addled teen-aged mind

     that sex is powerful--but sex and love are not the same

I learned from the misery of my many failed attempts

     that unlike respect, love is given and cannot be earned

I learned from one who loved me unconditionally

     that hearts are not toys

I learned from one who got away

     that to be loved in return would be the greatest thing

===

I learned from one who satisfied all of my criteria  

    that love begins in the heart, not the head, 

in that order: heart, head, and hands--values first

    or it will not last

===

I learned from being alone in the desert that I am OK.

     I will always be at least OK but I am happier in love's oasis

I learned from one who discovered me on the desert's edge and nurtured me

     that love can heal a broken heart, restore faith, and instill harmony

===

If our outward appearances reflected the true quality of our character 

     my love sensei would be Miss Universe and none fairer than she

shining brighter than love's purest light

    and I would appear as a Big Fat Stupid Loser, hiding in the corner

But basking in my love's healing rays I am not a broken or irredeemable person

    rather, perhaps, just someone who 

still has a lot to learn 

     about love

Love is Inverted Fear (NaPoMo 26/30)

Hearts and Fangs

I see Love in the shape of a Heart

the manifestation of caring

and Fear looking like Fangs

shining from snarling mouth

Love and Fear

Tenderness and Survival

Peace and Panic

Yin & Yang

Eternal tension between equal opposites 

swirling in harmonious balance

one without the other meaningless

both required in equal measure

Love or Fear?
Love and Fear.

Everything is either Love
or a plea for Love