May is Brain Tumor Awareness Month

The Todd Tree is Thriving

February 16th would have been my middle brother Todd's 52d birthday. To commemorate his birthday and celebrate his life, I planted an acorn from a Seeds of Life kit. The kit was provided with great compassion by my colleagues at Armed Forces Services Corporation (AFSC).

On Easter, I published a photo of the first glimpse of the seedling poking up through the soil and moss. The accompanying text featured a timely quote from Mark Nepo's Book of Awakening.

Ninety days after Todd's birthday, in the middle of Brain Tumor Awareness Month, I took the above photo. This shows that--since first peeking above the ground on Easter--Todd's tree is thriving. The framed photo of Todd is his memorial brochure. He seems to appreciate his seedling's progress.

I do not understand cancer. I cannot bring my brother back. The mysteries of life and death are beyond my comprehension. I cannot explain why the spark of life left my brother in the middle of his extraordinary life. I do not understand how the spark of life was ignited in that little acorn, the seed from a far away red oak tree.

Like the acorn, I am planted in dark despair and buried in cold uncertainty. In the midst of eternal emptiness, some mysterious spark speaks to me. Do the best I can with what I have where I am.

I can:

• honor my brother's memory. 
• nurture the seedling that is now a living memorial, and someday plant it in the forest near my home. 
• surrender my ego-driven desire to know and understand, and accept some things on faith. The seed cracks open without understanding why.
• show compassion to others in the fight--patients, caregivers, and family
• trust science and support those working to find a cure. 

May is Brain Tumor Awareness Month. You can join the fight to find a cure for brain tumors:

• promote awareness about brain tumors; 
• help fund brain tumor research; and 
• reach out to patients and caregivers who are in the fight. 

The Courage of the Seed

Easter Sunday photo of Todd's Red Oak, planted Feb 16, 2015

Mark Nepo's timing is uncanny. When he published The Book of Awakening 15 years ago, he knew that in the year 2015, Easter would fall on April 5th. He knew that this would be the first Easter after our Todd passed from this Earth. He somehow knew that we would have a special reason to trust in a sense of continuity--that today, especially, we would strain credulity just enough to believe in resurrection of the dead.

The red oak acorn I planted on what would have been Todd's 52nd birthday was a gift from caring colleagues. This morning, somewhat groggy from a sunrise service, I sat in my prayer chair and opened Nepo to the entry for April 5th. That is when those words he wrote 15+ years ago just for me, and just for that moment, finally hit home.

"All the buried seeds

crack open in the dark

the instant they surrender

to a process they can't see."

Never-mind that this is the 5th time I have read Nepo's book. The first four didn't count. The seed of meaning in those words could not crack open in my mind until I was ready to surrender reason and simply believe.

Happy Easter, Todd. We love you.