Sunday, October 18, 2015

100 Funny Neologisms

Some of these are tied to very specific cultural references. I made no effort to rank or cull these, since the value of each depends on you, the reader. If I missed some, feel free to add your favorites in the comments! 

1. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message 404 Not Found, meaning that the requested document could not be located.

2. Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

3. Acme: a generic skin disease.

4. Adulatery: cheating on one's wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe.

5. Antifun gal: a prude.

6. App: Software application for a smartphone or tablet computer.

7. Auto-da-feh: the extermination of heretics via drowning in a vat of pus.

8. Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline.

9. BFF: Stands for best friends forever. Used to state how close you are to another individual.

10. Brangelina: used to refer to supercouple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

11. Burglesque: a poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

12. Chilax: To calm down or relax, it is a slang term used when someone is starting to get uptight about something that is happening.

13. Circumvent: an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

14. Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs.

15. Coiterie: a very, very close-knit group.

16. Contratemps: the resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers.

17. Crapacity: The size of one's attic.

18. Crowdsourcing: The activity of getting a large group of people to contribute resource to project, especially by using a website where people can make contributions.

19. Defrigerator: Start saving energy now with this special offer from Pepco!

20. Deifenestration: to throw all talk of God out the window.

21. DIOS: the one true operating system.

22. Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

23. Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

24. Ego surfer: A person who boosts his ego by searching for his own name on Google and other search engines.

25. Elepants: too-tight jeans on broad-beamed people.

26. Emasculathe: a tool for castration.

27. Epigramp: A maxim that brands the speaker as an old codger. “If God had wanted women to wear pants . . .”

28. Errudition: Comical misuse of big words. “Madam, your dress looks positively superfluous on you tonight,” he said with amazing errudition.

29. Eruditz: A philosophy professor who can’t figure out how to work the copying machine.

30. Esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk.

31. Eunouch: the pain of castration.

32. Flabbergasted: appalled over how much weight you have gained.

33. Flatulance: emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

34. Foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

35. Fortissimoe: the musical moment produced when someone serially slaps the faces of the first-violin section.

36. Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

37. Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash.

38. Genitaliar: an image-enhancing object that can be carried in a man's front pocket.

39. Geobragging: Repeated status updates noting your location in an attempt to get attention or make other people jealous.

40. Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous "Surrender Dorothy" on the Beltway overpass.

41. Glibido: all talk and no action.

42. Goodzilla: a giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them.

43. Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.

44. Guiltar: A musical instrument whose strings are pulled by your mother.

45. Hindkerchief: really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham Palace.

46. Hindprint: indentation made by a couch potato.

47. Hipatitis: terminal coolness.

48. Hozone: the area around 14th Street.

49. Impotience: eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.

50. Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

51. Intaxication: euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

52. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

53. Lollapalooka: someone who has taken one too many turns in the mosh pit.

54. Lymph: to walk with a lisp.

55. Metrosexual: A heterosexual man who likes the interests traditionally associated with women or homosexual men (e.g., shopping, fashion, his appearance) .

56. Mitthead – An individual who constantly changes his political positions to suit his audience and objectives,”

57. Moon-basing – The act of a candidate or surrogate offhandedly proposing a policy so outrageous that it significantly harms the candidate’s electability.

58. Muffin top: This refers to the (often unsightly) roll of fat that appears on top of trousers that feature a low waist.

59. Nazigator: an overbearing member of your carpool.

60. Necronancy: communication with the late Ernie Bushmiller.

61. Negligent: describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

62. Newtspaper: the Washington Times.

63. Noob: Someone who is new to an online community or game.

64. Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease.

65. Oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

66. Pectacles: gladiator movies.

67. Percycution: Giving your child a name he will hate for the rest of his life.

68. Pokemon: a Rastafarian proctologist.

69. Quartersack: On the Redskins, it's the player who lines up behind the center and takes the snap.

70. Racne: Acne located on a woman’s chest.

71. Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

72. Refiance: To replace your subprime boyfriend when your interest starts to vary.

73. Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.

74. Republican’ts – The 49 percent of Republicans who, in a recent survey, were unable to explain the meaning of their party’s initials “GOP.

75. Rickwad – An individual who claims to be a devout Christian but supports policies that indicate otherwise.

76. Rococoa: Haute chocolate

77. Santorum – We'll let you look that one up for yourself.

78. Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

79. Sata: a mythical being who brings toys to bad children.

80. Skilljoy: The would-be friend who’s a bit better than you at everything.

81. Socceur: the proper spelling of the sport for the next four years, alas.

82. Spam: Flooding the Internet with many copies of the same message, in an attempt to force the message on people who would not otherwise choose to receive it.

83. Sparadigm: A model panhandler.

84. Staycation: A vacation at home or near home (usually due to financial constraints preventing a holiday abroad).

85. Stitch 'n' bitch: A gathering of individuals who chat or gossip while knitting or crocheting.

86. Stupfather: Woody Allen.

87. Suckotash: a dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu.

88. Synapple: a perfect beverage to accompany brain food.

89. Taterfamilias: the head of the Potato Head family.

90. Tatyr: a lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

91. Tebowing: description of a prayerful victory stance derived from NFL quarterback Tim Tebow.

92. Testicle: a humorous question on an exam.

93. Thripp: a bug.

94. Transvestheight: The difference between the jockstrap and the bra.

95. Troll: An individual who posts inflammatory, rude, and obnoxious comments to an online community.

96. Tweet cred: social standing on Twitter.

97. Unappalin’ – Adjective used to describe a person with a combination of physical attractiveness, ruthless ambition and limited mental capacity.

98. Vagjayjay: Slang term for the vagina that was believed to have been coined by Oprah.

99. Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room.

100. Whitetater: a political hot potato.

101. Willy-nilly: impotent.

102. Writer's tramp: a woman who practices poetic licentiousness.

103. And, Lust: an unseemly craving for this [final] position in the [Style Invitational] column. [Note, the Style Invitational editor usually publishes a groaner of an entry at the end of each list.]