Wishing you love, light, and the means to preserve it

wishing you love and light - Ordinary Courage

I love the look of Dr. Brene Brown's blog, Ordinary Courage, as well as the uplifting message in this post, "wishing you love and light,"published December 18.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Please read the entire post and not just the excerpt here. H/T: Jane for bringing this light to my attention. 

The Dr King quote highlighted in Brene's post is similar to the following quote attributed to the Buddha and published in Nepo's Awakening (December 17th)

In this world,hate never yet dispelled hate.Only love dispels hate.This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible

- Buddha

These two similar quotes hit me hard because I read them in the aftermath of the December 14th Sandy Hook Elementary massacre. 

On December 14, 2012, Adam Peter Lanza, age 20, fatally shot twenty children and six adult staff members and wounded two at Sandy Hook Elementary School in the Sandy Hook village of Newtown, Connecticut. Before driving to the school, he had shot and killed his mother, Nancy Lanza, at their Newtown home.After killing the students and staff members, Lanza committed suicide by shooting himself in the head as first responders arrived. --Wikipedia

In view of the wisdom in these quotes, and given the reality of recent tragic events, I wonder, "What is the correct response to senseless tragedy?" 

• Vengeance, such as screening and "pre-treating" potential murderers?  
• Vigilance, such as armed guards in schools, and teachers with pistols in the classroom? 
• Regulation to limit the freedom of law-abiding citizens? 
• Resignation to the flaws of human nature?  
• Some combination of the above?
• Something else not yet mentioned?

Light drives out darkness. This is evident every time we flip the light switch in a dark room. But, does only light drive out darkness as Dr King said?  Can the darkness of a lost human soul be brightened by some needed compassion? I believe so.

Both Dr King and Buddha further opined that only love dispels hate. Is this true?  Is compassion enough to stop a crazed, irrational, self-loathing sociopath with a death wish? The Beatles sang, "Love is all you need." Tell that to the families of Adam Lanza's victims.  

I don't know how to drive out darkness except by light, either literal or figurative. I do not know how to dispel hate, except by love and compassion. I do not know how to stop evil, especially irrational and heavily-armed evil, except by superior force. I believe in compassion to prevent hate and increase love. I believe in forgiveness to reduce stress and increase love. And I believe in taking dead aim on any demon-filled wacko who threatens me or my family. 

I refuse to die unarmed in a gun battle. 

A warm gun is cold comfort, but I would rather go down fighting than cowering in the corner with my arms around my children and my back to the attacker. And I am certainly willing to obtain all the licenses, training, and certifications necessary to make sure any potential thug or wacko looks somewhere else first. 

Wishing you love, light, and the means to preserve it. And if that means standing behind me, know that I am ready.

Forgiveness for Good: the Stanford Forgiveness Project

Forgiveness does a body good. But you don't have to take my word for it. Read the following with an eye toward launching 2013 on a slate wiped clean!

"The practice of forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt, depression, and stress. Forgiveness leads to greater feelings of hope, peace, compassion and self confidence. Practicing forgiveness leads to healthy relationships as well as physical health. It also influences our attitude which opens the heart to kindness, beauty, and love." --Dr. Frederic Luskin

http://learningtoforgive.com/

The Forgiveness Project website presents more details, including information about books, workbooks, and workshops.

"In the Forgive for Good workshop and class series Dr. Frederic Luskin presents the forgiveness training methodology that has been validated through six successful research studies conducted through the Stanford Forgiveness Projects"  (emphasis added).

The process Dr Luskin has tested in a pilot study and 6 research projects is based on the following steps. Do try this at home!

9 Steps

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.
2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.
3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the “peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story.”
4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years – ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.
5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body’s flight or fight response.
6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the “unenforceable rules” you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them.
7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.
8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power.
9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

And if you would like a little extra incentive or motivation, here is my favorite song on the subject:

Hat tip to UEd who said "....personally my timeline is to not enter this 2013 with any remaining 'unforgivens'!,

Worthy! 

Advent Tree

Image is available for sale as a Christmas card from Creative Communications. The design caught my eye because of the similarity to my earlier post, Christmas 2012.

Christmas 2012

Skulls, Flaming skulls, and Winged flaming skulls

Comparing 
Harley-Davidson’s 110th Anniversary Tank Badge and 
the Hell’s Angels Logo 
Head-to-Head

This head-to-head comparison shows some interesting similarities between the brand new H-D 110th anniversary tank badge and the logo of the infamous Hell's Angels.


Do you think the similarity was intentional?

Of course as we all know, skulls, flaming skulls, and winged flaming skulls symbolize a fraternal bond that will survive mortal death. (See my related post HERE.) Many brands and organizations have sought to use such symbols to inspire feelings of loyalty and devotion. 


I think the similarities are coincidental, but would I want a gang of Pagans to mistake my H-D @ 110 tattoo for a Hell's Angels tattoo? No, thank you.


And no, MOM, I do NOT have a H-D @ 110 tattoo! But that tank badge looks pretty sweet on the 2013 Road King gas tank...

H/T Brian

The GOD Hypothesis

http://www.indianinthemachine.com/centralgalacticcoreclosur8-1.jpg

H(0): Complexity in DNA or H2O or skeletal structure proves the case for an Intelligent Designer, GOD, who created / caused these impossibly unique combinations. Therefore we assume all life throughout the Universe is carbon-based and dependent upon liquid water, just like us.

H(a): Cause and effect are reversed. All matter yearns to get closer to Unity / Divinity. GOD is not the cause. GOD is the result or the destination   Many, many different life forms exist. We do not recognize them all, and some may be more successful than others, yet all are one in shared motive.  Similarly, there are many paths to the destination of GOD. We do not recognize all of them, and some may be more effective than others, yet all are valid in shared intent.

Discuss.

The 3 (or 5?) Cs of Life

The three variables, choices, chances, and changes, resonate well with me. The message itself seems good at first blush, but it really falls apart on closer inspection. "You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change?" Wrong, Bucko! Your life will change, whether you want it to, or not!

As written, the quote leaves out too much and is potentially misleading. Your life will change whether you choose to take a chance or not. Furthermore, there is a huge difference between risk and uncertainty. "Take a Chance" sounds as instructive as pulling a card from Community Chest. How about doing a little homework and putting the odds in your favor? It's not as if nothing will change until you blindly leap forward in ignorance and hope. Hope is not a method! I'd rather act deliberately in confidence and faith.

Lesson learned from 28 years of active duty in the US Army: Never complain without proposing a solution. Here is my suggestion. Your thoughts are welcome!

Step one: embrace change. All change, not just the change you hope for. Every living thing changes. Understand that not all change is deliberate or positive. In everyone's life, there will be times for congratulations and times for compassion. (Maybe we should have Five C's?) For better or worse, only the inanimate have seen the end of change.

As for chances, the Universe is full of God-authored randomness. Life is stochastic by design. There are relatively few processes with certain outcomes, but we can think in terms of probabilities. Good things happen to bad people. Innocent people are punished. Don't merely "Take a Chance." Do a little homework. Turn uncertainties into calculated risks. Have a goal in mind. Accept that having a goal does not guarantee attainment, but lacking a goal guarantees chaos and overwhelm.

In the face of uncertainty, and knowing that change is inevitable, the only thing left for us to do in the decisive moment is to choose. We make a choice whether we do anything or not! Yes, avoiding the decision is also a choice with consequences intended and unintended. In life, you cannot control anything except the choices you make in the face of relentless and inevitable and random change.


Therefore, I propose the 5 C's of Life:

1. Change. Keep moving. Just Don't / Stop / Moving.
2. Chance. Educate yourself continually about the options available and preserve options as long as possible
3. Community. Maintain your social network and your support system. We are not meant to go through life alone
4. Choice. When it's time to decide, trust yourself to make the best choices possible with the knowledge, skills, and abilities you have at your disposal
5. Confidence. If you realize you made a mistake, or if the results don't turn out as expected, or if random stuff derails everything you worked for, don't lose faith or confidence. Instead, refer back to #1.

Better? My version is not as crisp as the 3 C's image, but it's more comprehensive. Maybe we can condense it into a more concise expression? Let'share a conversation in the comments section!



Image attribution: I first saw the 3 C's image on Facebook and accessed it here https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/423058_527460463931696_1029307223_n.jpg, on Nov 26, 2012. H/T: JEG