| # | Rule: | Actual Character Quote: | Episode(s): |
| 1 | Never let suspects stay together. | Gibbs (to Kate): "Rule number one: Never let suspects stay together." | |
| 1 | Never screw (over) your partner. | Gibbs: "Number one supersedes all of the others." | |
| Jenny: "Never screw your partner?" |
| Gibbs: "Never screw OVER your partner." |
| 2 | Always wear gloves at a crime scene. | Gibbs (to Kate): "Rule number two: Always wear gloves at a crime scene." | |
| 3 | Don't believe what you're told. Double check. | Gibbs: "Rule number three: Don't believe what you're told, double check." | |
| Kate: "Should I write these rules in my Palm Pilot or crochet them on pillows?" |
| 3 | Never be unreachable. | Ziva (after trying to reach McGee): "Rule number three..." | |
| Tony: "Never be unreachable." |
| 4 | If you have a secret, the best thing is to keep it to yourself. The second-best is to tell one other person if you must. There is no third best. | Jenny: "It's your fault you know." | |
| Gibbs: "For what, leaving or coming back?" |
| Jenny: "For teaching me your rules. Best way to keep a secret, keep it to yourself. Second best, tell one other person... if you must. There is no third best. (walking away) That's rule number four isn't it?" |
| 5 | You don't waste good. |
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| 6 | Never say you're sorry. It's a sign of weakness. | Gibbs (to Kate): "Never say you're sorry. (laughing) You don't have to crochet that one." | |
| Tony (to Gibbs): I broke rule #6. Never say you're sorry. | |
| Gibbs: It was covered by rule #18. |
| 7 | Always be specific when you lie. | Gibbs (to Kate): "Rule number seven: Always be specific when you lie." | |
| 8 | Never take anything for granted. | Abby (to McGee): "Rule number eight is gonna save you McGee!" | |
| Tony: "Never date a co-worker? " |
| Ziva (to Tony): "Never go anywhere without your knife. " |
| Tony (to Ziva): "Thought that was nine." |
| Gibbs: "Never take anything for granted." |
| Abby (to Gibbs): "Correct El Jefe. But then again you did make up the rules." |
| Ziva: "I assume Gibbs would have checked that out last night." | |
| Tony: "Rule number eight: Never assume anything." |
| Ziva: "To be precise it's, ah, never take anything for granted." |
| 9 | Never go anywhere without a knife. | Gibbs (while handing his knife to Tony): "Rule number nine:" | |
| Gibbs & Kate (in unison): "Never go anywhere without a knife." |
| Tony: "Rule nine." | |
| Atlas: "What?" |
| Tony: "Ya know those rule they teach you guys in the Marine Corps." |
| Atlas: "What rules?" |
| Tony: "Huh, I always suspected the fact that Gibbs was making that stuff up. Well... rule nine is, ah (undoing his belt), never go anywhere (pulling out his knife) without a knife." |
| Abby: Rule #9 'always keep a spare'. | |
| Tony: I thought Gibbs said nine was 'always carry a knife.' |
| Abby: Not Gibbs' rules...mine. |
| 10 | Never get personally involved in a case. | Gibbs: You okay? | |
| Tony: Not really. I broke rule number ten. Again. Never get personally involved in a case. |
| Gibbs: Yeah. That's the rule I've always had the most trouble with. |
| 11 | When the job is done, walk away. | Gibbs: "Rule number eleven, DiNozzo." | |
| Tony: "I would never date a co-worker boss. Trust me. I mean, why would you even—that's twelve. Eleven... when the job is done, you walk away." |
| 12 | Never date a coworker. | Kate (to Tony): "Not my style, Tony. I would just shoot you." | |
| Gibbs (just walking in): "That would be the reason for rule number twelve." |
| Kate: "Rule twelve?" |
| Gibbs: "Never date a co-worker." |
| 13 | Never, ever involve lawyers. | Tony: "Which means you've been here one day and already broken Gibbs' rule number thirteen." | |
| Dwayne: "Rule number thirteen?" |
| Tony: "Yeah, rule number thirteen: Never, ever involve lawyers. Things are bound to turn nasty." |
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| 15 | Always work as a team. | Jenny: "I heard your agents are pitted against each other. Wasn't that Gibbs' rule number fifteen? Always work as a team." | |
| Gibbs: "Not on this one." |
| 16 | If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it. |
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| 18 | It's better to ask forgiveness than ask permission. | Jenny (to Gibbs): "Number eighteen: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission." | |
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| 22 | Never, ever interrupt Gibbs in interrogation. | Tony (to Ziva): "Rule number twenty-two: never, EVER bother Gibbs in interrogation." | |
| 23 | Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live. | Kate (to Tony): "Maybe next time you should remember rule... twenty-three..." | |
| Marine (laughing): "Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live." |
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| 26 |
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| 27 | There are two ways to follow someone: |
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| --1st way, they never notice you; | |
| --2nd way, they only notice you. |
| 35 | Always watch the watchers. |
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| 38 | Your case, your lead. | Gibbs (to Tony): "Your case, your lead. I think it's a rule." | |
| 39 | There is no such thing as coincidence. |
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| 40 | If it seems like someone's out to get you, they are. | Gibbs (to Abby): "Rule forty." | |
| Abby (to Gibbs): "If you think someone is out to get you, they are." |
| 44 | First things first, hide the women and children. | Gibbs (to Camila Charo to tell Mike Franks): "Tell him Rule 44" | |
| Shannon (to Gibbs): "Forty-four. First things first, Hide the women and children. You're actually writing these down?" | |
| 45 | Clean up your messes. | Tony (to Gibbs): "Where are you gonna be?" | |
| Gibbs (to Tony): "At the mess I gotta clean up." |
| Tony (whispers to Ziva): "That's 45 ... basically." |
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| 51 | Sometimes - you're wrong. | Gibbs (written after reminiscing about his wife and his rules) | |
