Humor, Part 2: Alternate Meanings?

The  Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.   

And the winners are: 
 
1. Coffee, n. The  person upon whom one coughs.  
 
2. Flabbergasted, adj.  Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 
 
3. Abdicate,  v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat  stomach. 
 
4. Esplanade, v.  To attempt an explanation while drunk.
 
5. Willy-nilly,  adj. Impotent. 
 
6. Negligent, adj.  Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 
 
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp. 
 
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash. 
 
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up  someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 
 
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
 
11. Testicle, n. A  humorous question on an exam. 
 
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 
 
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.  
 
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.   
 
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto  the roof and gets stuck there.

Hat tip to Yolanda, and to Chris who pointed out that this list is actually 8 years old. (It's still funny!) What are your favorites?