Pages

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Designing Your Own Happiness Principles

The idea for this post began with a recent post on Gretchen Rubin's outstanding blog, Positively Positive. Gretchen provided 6 Tips For Designing Your Own Happiness Commandments. She then followed her own advice by producing and sharing her personal happiness commandments. Finally, she offered space for readers to respond. 

I thought this response from Jill was particularly noteworthy:   


Guidelines for Happiness and Success
1. Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind ( Small things annoy all when the focus is not on the big picture. Don't sweat the small stuff, almost everything is small stuff).
2. Talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
3. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them (because there is).
4. Look at the bright side of everything. (Everything has a bright side you only have to look for it).
5.Think only of the best, work only for the best, and always expect the best
6. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
7. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements of the future.
8. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others.
9. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.

Jill admitted these were not original and maybe you have seen them before. With due respect to the true unknown author, I made the following comment on Jill's response:

"Jill, these are outstanding. Thanks for sharing them. I like that they go beyond simple aphorisms like "Do good and Avoid evil" and get into some specifics. "Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet" is clear and actionable." 

Nicely done!

This brings me to my thoughts on designing your own happiness principles.

First, I recoiled at Gretchen's term, "commandments." I am not a commitment-phobe. In fact, quite the opposite! For me, the issue is the tension between making promises I cannot keep, and pushing myself hard enough to grow. Words like commandments, laws, promises, covenants, and vows are not to be taken lightly. I prefer principles, values, guideposts, and goals. These latter terms are aspirational, not legal. Falling short of a stretch goal can be forgiven. Break a vow and that's a different story.

Another gripe I have is the practice of enumerating items in a list when no priority or sequence is required. When you enumerated items in a list, the clear implication is that the first is either most important than, or a logical precedent of, the second. If no such logic is to be inferred--if, in fact, all the principles are weighted approximately equally, then use bullets.

So, have a look at Gretchen's site and this post in particular. Then, have a look at what I call my Guiding Lights (below). Finally, feel free to share your own happiness principles in the comments section.


===================================================================



Dr. Dave’s Ten Guiding Lights

  • Trust. But verify. Ask: Is it true? Is it really, true, or just part of my story? and What does it mean?
  • Find and follow your North Star. Choose carefully!
  • Set the example. Strive to be a North Star for others.
  • Life is short: Live it deep, wide, and applied. Have deep understanding in many areas and use that power for positive social change.
  • Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
  • Honesty is the best policy: Integrity begins with being true to yourself and living honorably.
  • Like a good Boy Scout, always leave the campground better than you found it. We are all connected.
  • Remember where you came from (“Them bastards up at Platoon Headquarters…”).
  • Relax and have FUN! Put your knees in the breeze.
  • (((Do the right thing) right) right now).
==========================================================================

H/T: MGBW, with a shout out to MCRWS and MFL



4 comments:

  1. Once I was asked to describe my version of an elegant woman. To me, happiness come from within and is tethered to these traits:

    • Her face glows with happiness
    • Her eyes sparkle like Christmas
    • Her smile lights up a room and although she has been through a lot, she almost always wears it
    • She gets the true meaning of life
    • She is confident but not at the expense of others
    • She is beautiful on the outside and in, but mostly on the inside
    • She cares for others deeply
    • She has an over abundant flow of love
    • She believes there is good in all
    • She helps others to see
    • To be around her, one feels very safe and content
    • She has a way about her that is hard to explain with words but in her presence you know who she is
    • She is sincere, generous, and in general, is not detected on radar

    For me, a dissention from these traits would be a fall from happiness. Thus, I conclude that one’s happiness is tied to what one perceives as what makes up their own happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beautifully said, Q of T. I think you are right to link happiness and elegance but I admit it would not have occurred to me without your prompting. Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn may have defined elegance in past generations, but who knows whether they were truly happy beneath the glamour and fame? Meanwhile, an inner beauty that manifests in outward joy and peace may indeed be the exemplar of elegance. I am grateful that you have thought about this question before. Thanks for your comment!

      Delete
  2. Well they do say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My intent was not to equate beauty with happiness; rather, if one feels beautiful on the inside they would surely feel beautiful on the outside. If one is content with them self by holding what they morally value as important, surely they are happy. Lastly, continued happiness is hard to maintain; however, if one stops to smell the peonies and count their blessings big and small, it is much easier to sustain happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The memory of a rose is sweet. The peony in one's path is sweeter.

      http://www.netstate.com/states/symb/flowers/images/peony.jpg

      Delete